Whether it be your boyfriend, your girlfriend, your friends-with-benefits, or a prostitute with a heart of gold, you might be obligated to buy something for the person you're gettin' it on with this holiday season. Unless your relationship is already repellently sweet, avoid gifts that are way too personal, way too expensive, or both (such as a noble bust of your partner cast in gold). Get them something that relates to one or more of their interests, whether those interests include pop culture, clothes, or getting wildly drunk. If they have no interests, check for a pulse.
Bitter single friends
If one or more of your friends has ended up single as the holidays approach (female NYU students, pay close attention), then you may want to handle them with some measure of care.
Do: invite them out for something fun (and not as a third wheel either, unless this category happens to overlap with "people you secretly hate")
Don't: set them up on a blind date with your "nice" friend who will probably get that hygiene thing nailed down any...day..now...
People you secretly hate
Unfortunately, there's probably at least one person you absolutely despise on your gift list. I recommend either passive aggression or shower gel.
People you're secretly in love with
Nothing too creepy. Come on, dude, pull yourself together.
Besties
Well fine, Christina, I see how it is
WHATEVER
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